i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
