dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i've created a new STD.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
