Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
