well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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