Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
4 words: hood of his car
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
