We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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