WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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