she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
