we're blogging at a bar
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
