the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
