Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You pole danced in your parka.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
