I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
