dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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