You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
