If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
