Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
