More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
