Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
