And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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