I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
