is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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