Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
