yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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