My friends, they love my intelligence
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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