he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
