morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
