i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
