I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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