Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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