I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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