Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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