The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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