I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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