I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
