What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
