When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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