Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
