dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
