He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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