no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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