So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
