but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
