real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
