Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
