The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
