Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
