I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
