Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
