This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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