the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
