just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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