Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
