She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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