haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
